Planning | balancinglifeandlove

Hello from the 100th year senior. Ok I may not be at 100 years yet, but having watched all my friends graduate and continue on with either life or career plans I am starting to feel as though I will never recieve my B.A. in Psychology. Honestly it isn’t even a degree I will be using I am just so far into my courses at this point it would be idiotic not to complete it and also I will be able to go to graduate school in science even though I have a Psych degree. But what I am or am not going to do is not what this post is about it is about how plans go completly array when we lean on our own wisdom and strength to make them work.

Let me give you a little background, I did not attend college in sunny California,

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instead I started my college career in Rainy Bellevue/Redmond Washington.

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I obtained my A.A. after 4 years of exploring classes and amassing a nice little debt because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. I have changed my mind about what I wanted to be more times than most people change their underwear and continue to change my mind to this day. Thankfully I have had experience in the fields I thought I wanted to work in so it wasn’t a flight of fancy but rather an informed decision. After I finally graduated we moved to California and I began navigating my way through Cal States University System. This has not been an easy process and every quarter I feel like this,

I should have realized when at my first meeting with the advisor and she looked at my transcript and said oh you have these classes to meet California’s requirments and when we get the rest of your transcript put into the system we will figure out what you need, that I was going to be in for a bumpy ride. It took a year of me riding them and asking if my transcript had been entered for it to finally happen and when it came back that I hat approx 8 classes to retake, because Washingtons credits were not enough I was through with all but just a few upper division classes. Since I did not and still do not have priority in registaration at the community college campus’ in California I have been SOL in trying to make these up. So this brings us to this week as I am sitting in one of my last upper division classes preparing for a crazy 5 hour 2 day a week class that my professor says he will not take any more students because he is 5 over and can not handle more than that.

What? Are you serious? Well I talked to him and explained my situation and as he looked at my transcript he said he would not clear me to be in class. Sitting with a Gentleman I don’t know with a classroom full of women and men I have never met I began crying, not the attractive tears silently rolling down your cheeks, but rather the horribly embarasing snotty nose, almost hiccups, can’t talk cry. I tried to thank him for his help but want to do this

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I did get a good cry in and thanked the professor for offering me help with out loosing it completly and awkwardly left as the girl next to me tried not to look at me.

And like always I began planning and started with the most drastic never going back to school and shaking my fist at the system. This will never work, because I do not have enough passion to continue in my current posission and I don’t want any of the children to suffer because of me.

Second I could always go to the private University down here, but that would 1. cost more and 2. be dumb because I am so close to graduatating from CSU.

So last I will go back to community college and try to crash courses and work over the recommended course load so I can drive 70 miles twice a week to take this class I need during the summer.

So I made my plan right? Right! But, is it the plan that is going to happen or am I once again creating a plan that does not fit into God’s plan.

I thought of Psalms 139:13-18 (though I had to look up the actual verse)

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you.

I always seem to remember this verse when the plans I make fall through or as I begin planning. I really want to be done with my B.A. but sometimes I feel like Sisyphus pushing his rock up the mountain.